


you live up to my name (and i live up to yours)

by autumnlights



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, but hope anyone out there would like it, lev is basically an aro, the iliad reference, this is boring tbh they talk way to much srry, this is shit lol, tsoa reference, tsukuru tazaki reference, yaku seems to know that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:34:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28455417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumnlights/pseuds/autumnlights
Summary: As the flakes fall heavily before him in a snowy evening of Ekaterinburg, Yaku wonders if Fate has linked him with the ashen-haired to seek the meaning of the names they bear and live with it, together.(or a rather lengthy colloquy between two mortals—the bearers of the name Haiba Lev and Yaku Morisuke; the whisperers of what to make of names, expectations, wishes, outliers, heroes, and love conceptions inspired by a song by BTS entitled Crystal Snow)
Relationships: Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	you live up to my name (and i live up to yours)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first work, and honestly, I rushed writing this one in a day. I'll do better next time, I swear...  
> I thought about writing an angsty version of this, but for now, a lighter interpretation will do. 2020 has not been good to us.

> _Whenever it snows, Yaku has always thought of him. Haiba Lev._
> 
> _Yaku remembered that Lev was always kind, to anyone. He would help people with a big grin plastered on his face, his cheeks flushed. He was beautiful, too._
> 
> _It was snowing too, in Ekaterinburg, the day when Yaku’s phone buzzed, receiving a message from the said person._
> 
> It’s the time of the year to visit already! Miss you, can’t wait!
> 
> _It had always been like that since day one. The first time Yaku saw the towering giant, Yaku thought of the silver snow at the sight of his head. His eyebrows, too, were silver, resting gently in his cheeks. He was just a kid at that time, so Yaku didn’t think too much about what to feel about him. Except when he was being annoying—and he was annoying half of the time. Nevertheless, seeing him in person, made Yaku realize one thing, above anything else—He is beautiful. And, as Yaku got to know him better, he learned that he was more than just a beautiful face. Here is the story of Yaku Morisuke—the tale of his unrequited love._ Or so Yaku thought.

Contrary to popular belief, Haiba Lev is blissful when he is sleeping.

That is what Yaku thought as the gray-haired man sleeps beside him. Lev is not a blanket-hogger, he doesn’t snore nor drool, he doesn’t move too much. He places his head gracefully in Yaku’s pillow, his long eyelashes resting peacefully in his cheeks. He looks serene and somewhat innocent. A true embodiment of sleeping beauty.

But, how does Yaku come to know how does Lev sleep? The answer lies in the event happening last Christmas, in this very city: _Yekaterinburg._

Last year, Yaku didn’t come home for Christmas. He felt that it would be a waste of money and time, and he wouldn’t be able to spend so much time with his family and friends in Japan too. So, Yaku stayed. However, last year, Lev had decided to take a break and come to visit Russia too. Lev had been visiting his grandfather’s manor in Moscow manually, but each visit didn’t last more than four days. So, Lev asked Yaku if he could spend ten days of December at his place in Yekaterinburg, and, _of course,_ Yaku said yes.

Yaku’s apartment is small, but it isn’t tight. It has a small kitchen set with a dining table and two stools, then a laundry room, and at last, a bedroom. With TV. There is no couch, though. Yaku didn’t mind, when he first rented this apartment, for he wouldn’t have many guests visiting his place. He usually meets officials in his volleyball club in the gymnasium or office anyway. That’s what he thought until Lev happened.

Long story short, they shared the bed. The floor of Yaku’s apartment was always cold, and Lev didn’t mind sharing a bed with him. Yaku didn’t mind too and seeing how carefree Lev was towards this matter, the brown-haired didn’t want to make it a big deal.

Thus, as he isn’t moving anywhere, they shared a bed in that small apartment again this time. It’s Lev’s sixth day in Russia; a second day in Yekaterinburg. Lev spent his first four days in his grandfather’s mansion in Moscow, talking ‘business’. He never elaborated any further on what kind of business it this. He only informed Yaku that he had arrived at the mansion, he got works to do, he got some new books to read, he missed Yaku, etc etc. He arrived at the airport early in the morning yesterday, bringing two suitcases. The libero had helped him booking a taxi to take him to his place.

_Knock knock._

_”Guess who is this?”_

_“Lev.” The libero opened his door. “Gotcha.”_

_“Yakuuu-san!!!!!”_

The rest was history. Lev greeted him cheerfully, arranged his luggage, changed his clothes, and he slept. He slept the whole day. He only woke up in the evening, ordering food by phone for them, dined together, took a shower, and he slept again.

Until now.

Yaku rises from the bed, then going to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water, and when he comes back, the sleeping beauty has woken up.

“Good morning, sunshine.” The libero thinks about splashing this glass of water on his face, but he goes against it. He doesn’t fancy changing the bed sheet in the morning.

“Mmmm, what… time is it?” The silver-haired rubs his eyes, sitting up on the side of the bed.

“Just the right time to get up and do groceries shopping. C’mon.”

They walk to a grocery store together after dressing up, then taking a little detour to enjoy the fresh air of the city. The snows are falling lightly, the streets and houses and trees all covered in white.

They spend their break just like that. Going for a walk in the morning, visiting the store if they need something, grabbing breakfast on the way. If the weather is nice, they will go sightseeing. Sometimes, Lev would find a nice spot to settle. He would paint the scenery or read his book, while Yaku will try to take some pictures or write some postcards. If the snows fall heavily, they will stay at the apartment, watching some movies with blankets on or do some readings.

Contrary to popular belief, Lev is very thoughtful.

Last year, as Lev lay down like a starfish in bed with an unfinished book in his hand, his body facing the ceiling, he said:

“I love this, Yaku-san.”

“What?”

“Everything.” He paused, smiled a little before he continued, “Taking a break. Being with you. I feel like my year is complete. My life is complete.”

I asked, from where I was sitting on the floor, near the TV, “Is that so?”

“I love staying here. It’s calm. It’s peaceful. It’s nice. No one will bother me when I’m reading, or painting. And I love reading, a lot. Painting, too. It’s like meditating. And my gramps is giving me a lot of new books to read, too. This is a break that I need, and probably, deserve.”

I thought for a second. “Come to think of it, I have never asked you why you rather coming here instead of booking a hotel or sumn. Or staying in your grandpa’s place? I don’t think money is the problem here.”

He put his book in the drawer beside the bed after placing the bookmark carefully. “Hmmm. Checking in to a hotel just feels like work. I don’t want that. And… I’ll be alone? I’ll have no one to talk to. While for gramps’ place… I don’t like the atmosphere. The mansion is filled with people busy minding their own job. I’ll be busy helping people, and when I’m done, I’ll have no one to talk to, in a way. Four days there is enough. I come here for vacation. Va-ca-tion!”

He tossed, his stomach touches the bed, his face facing the other person. “I love talking to you, Yaku-san. Especially when I have these random thoughts. I don’t think that many people would care to listen. When I’m working, I feel like… I keep becoming other people. The way I react, the way I move, I put up a persona that everyone wants, expects, and needs. I need to be cool. To look good. I need to stay in the light but protect myself from it. And… I need to take a break from it. To release my emotions. To be free. To look for inspiration. So I can come back stronger than ever when it’s due. But here, with you, I can be myself.”

Yaku looked into his eyes, and he replied earnestly. “It’s nice to have you here, Lev. This place used to be so strange. Filled with strangers speaking a language I’m still struggling to understand. And not just strangers, but tall, _tall,_ strangers. It’s nice to have a familiar face around. I’ve been feeling like a misfit here.”

Lev’s eyes were big, curious, a bit surprised. “You feel that way?”

“Yes.” But he refused to elaborate on that.

The gray-haired man didn’t push any further, focusing on the book he was reading once again. Until five minutes later, he went back to ask, “Hey, Yaku-san, do you think that…”

“…your fate is somewhat scripted in your name?”

Yaku comes back to reality. It’s the sixth day of Lev’s visit in Ekaterinburg. They had their dinner already, and now just enjoying the cold air the night has offered. The only source of light in that room is provided by the bright moon outside. “Eh, what? Sorry, wasn’t paying attention.”

Here he goes. Lev is thoughtful, in a way that he is often absorbed in his thoughts. And he shares his piece of mind as often. After his reading, or his meditation, or what, Lev often asks him imaginary questions. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, he said, and he needed to get it out of his mind before he can calm down and do literally anything else.

The libero takes a glance to the book Lev has been currently reading, placed in the drawer. He is sitting in the corner of the bed looking out the window, while Yaku is laying down beside him, playing with his phone before he is stunned.

The moonlight and his sharp eyes help Yaku to identify the title of the book. _Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage,_ the title says. A book written by Haruki Murakami.

“Do you think that… your fate, probably your whole life, is scripted in the name given to you?”

Yaku scowls, “I’m not sure. But the name given to us surely comes with expectations or hope. How is it? About fate?”

“I’ve been thinking about this. So, there is Tsukuru Tazaki, whose name means ‘to make’ or ‘to build’, and later, he becomes the one who designs train station buildings. He befriends four people in high school, whose names containing elements of color. These colors somehow represent the character of each person. Tsukuru has no elements of color in his name. He felt… left out. But his own name suits him. Well… in the end, he lives up to it, right? The possible expectations after his birth that he will be the maker of something that his name brings.

I feel that their names, as a part of their identity, give ‘colors’ to their life. It shapes their personality, and so on. Authors often use certain names to best represent their character’s personality. And I wonder, Yaku-san, what about the Author of Life? The Creator? Do the greater power somehow whispers in our ancestor's ears, telling spoilers of what kind of person we will become, and what name and expectations will be suitable for that.”

Yaku looks into his eyes. Yeah, his eyes are filled with wonders. Cute. Like an excited puppy. Or a cat. The brown-haired contemplated for a while, then considering a bit, then replied.

“We couldn’t guess exactly what is true when it is relating to the Creator, could we? It could be like that. We just… need to be grateful for all the blessings from our parents, or the other family, that reach us through the name given to us. And… try to live up to it? Or outlive it.”

“And so I thought… If there is Fate that determines our course of life… in which a part of the script is written in our names… maybe, just maybe… there might be another person whose fate collided with ours and whose name closely intertwined with ours. Can our string of Fate diverge and be lived up by others?” There are stars in Lev’s eyes when he speaks, or so Yaku believes. He needs to concentrate to Lev’s contemplation, goddamn, but Lev’s face is kinda distracting. Really distracting. It’s not fair that he is blabbering so much—of what he calls non-sense, yet he looks very attractive the further he goes. It would be impossible to stop him and his train of thoughts now. Well, he is very serious, and it is endearing of him, so Yaku will listen. Yaku loves listening to him anyway.

“Elaborate.” The libero just knows that this gray-haired cat lover still has so much to say.

“It reminds me of Achilles and Patroclus, Greek heroes. I think I told you about that last year… when I was reading _The Song of Achilles_ and _The Iliad._ Patroclus’ name literally means ‘glory of the father’. But… he doesn’t live up to it. He made such a grave mistake as a child that led to his exile. There is no glory in an exiled child. However, through that, he met Achilles, who later regarded him as his dearest companion. Achilles as the greatest warrior of Greek, in contrast, is the glory of his father Peleus. Isn’t it beautiful if in a way, the fates of Achilles and Patroclus are closely linked from their deep and meaningful bond, then Achilles gets to live up to Patroclus’ name, with Patroclus beside him?”

A dreamy impression for such a tragic fate, Yaku thought.

“Maybe. Do you think that… people could be like _that?_ Like, living up to other’s name. Not just any other. But whom they share such a special bond with.”

Lev grins. Wow. Yaku doesn’t expect that.

“Let’s see… how about we start from our names and see what it says about us?”

The libero was quick to answer, “My given name, Morisuke, means ‘to protect’. What about yours?”

“You should know what my given name means. Your Russian is good”, he smiles, “Lev. Lion. It is a wish for me to be strong, like a lion.”

Yaku takes some time to reflect. Morisuke, _to protect._ Lev, _lion, to be strong_. It feels that… there is a connecting thread that linked their names. It feels like… there is a red string of fate that connects them and their fates. What people had expected from them, how the expectations burden them, how they live up to it. Yaku’s train of thought is then interrupted as the other person continues.

“My name suits you perfectly.”

Yaku’s cheeks flushed. He hoped his face was hidden by the darkness engulfing the room. Lev is straight up comparing their relationship/friendship/companionship(?) to Achilles and Patroclus’ dynamics. Hell, these Greeks are literally ancient gay icons. It feels like an honor to hear Lev says that. Especially when he has these feelings towards him. Feelings that are difficult to understand, to grasp, to put a name into. However, Yaku Morisuke had an impression that it could have been love. Or attractions. Or attachments.

“How is it?”

“You are strong, Yaku-san. You resonate with the meaning of my name and the expectations that come with it. Lion. Strong. _To be_ strong. You _are_ strong. You always have been. Since day one, when you become Nekoma’s protector. Nekoma’s greatest defender. Nekoma’s pride. Then, you make this bold move to go to a foreign country with a language you are unfamiliar with, starting from scratch. Just… words cannot express how proud am I of you, how much of an inspiration you are to me. You are strong, and you are a protector. It’s like… you live up to both of our names.”

Wow. Yaku had always thought that Lev somehow looks up to him but seeing him saying this in person and not when they are having a quarrel… it’s too much. Yaku feels like… he was struck with the truth. The admiration Lev had towards him. He felt weird. Not in a bad way, but… it’s difficult to explain. But he manages to keep his façade.

“You think _that_ highly of me? I know that I’m great, but… Hey, it applies to you too! You are strong as well. You are a protector.”

Lev seems unsure. His brows are furrowed. “I’m not.”

It’s this doubt that makes Yaku wants to protect him. Lev is often not aware of how much he has grown up, how worthy he is, how he deserves all the good things in this world. Well, it’s Yaku turn to smile now. _I have a surprise for you. I know something that you don’t._

“I know what business that you are talking with your grandfather.”

 _Of course, you are surprised,_ Yaku thinks.

“You asked your grandfather to take care of me. Am I wrong?”

Silence.

“I heard it on a banquet. Some officials are not aware that I can hear them, and that my Russian has gotten better I can understand them. They talked about… how a powerful figure here in Russia is _kind of_ supporting me in any way he can. As in my promotion, media’s exposure of me, my agent, and so on. You _are_ protecting me, Lev. Though you don’t feel like it. You are still the one who goes the extra mile to ask your grandfather for a favor. And I’m not angry about it. I’m thankful. You really care about me.”

Lev is stunned. It seems that his mind is still processing what Yaku has said. He is totally oblivious. The shades of moonlight through the window are reflected to his figure. His face is black, but he looks graceful somehow— _or Yaku is maybe too smitten with him to think otherwise_. If this is Lev from years ago, his face will look funny and stupid as hell.

Yaku won’t give him a break, as the libero continues, “You are strong as well, Lev. I have seen how much you grew. You used to be this restless child whose goal is to overachieve. Then you learned how to give in, how to cooperate, how to become whole with the team. You have grown so much. You become an adult who can deal with inconvenient situations, have a realistic goal, and strive for it. You are thoughtful. You think a lot before you act, you are considerate and warm.”

The brown-haired cat lover looks at him. Lev doesn’t return his gaze. He focuses on a spot outside the window. Nevertheless, it seems like… the clouds of doubt in his eyes had been lifted. It comes across as if Lev begins to be sure about himself.

“Maybe you are right.”

“I _am_ right.”

Lev nods, his eyes meeting Yaku’s, “Okay.”

“Okay.” Yaku nods.

Contrary to popular belief, Lev is more than capable to love.

This time, it’s Lev’s eight-day in Ekaterinburg. Two more days and he flew to Japan.

After that long conversation about the name takes place, nothing out of ordinary happens. They had gone outside yesterday while the snowfall was not too dense. They were going to a big grocery store further from the usual place, then going home after taking a detour to visit a nearby park.

Yaku had shared his struggle when he first arrived here, and Lev shared some experiences too.

“Growing up in Japan, I felt like I was kinda odd because I’m tall and… I have gray hair at such a young age? People would look at me funny. Huh. Then, when I visit Russia, I was like: wow!! They are tall!! They have light hair color!! But I still feel strange in a way… My Russian is not that good… My accent is a no-no….”

Aside from this, Lev keeps his thought most of the time. And… it gives Yaku’s space to think about what he has been avoiding thinking about: his feelings. His feelings towards Lev, to be exact.

To be honest, Yaku has been following the forum discussing Lev’s career as a model. Lev was said to be single and available and didn’t seem to mind his status. When the media reports that he was seen going out with someone, that so-called someone will always turn out to be his sister Alisa or his close friends. It seems as if the world will end before the media can spill out the truth that Lev dating or Lev giving signs that he _is_ or _will be_ dating someone.

If Lev has a crush on someone or falls in love with anyone, Yaku can’t tell. Lev has been kind to anyone, except for those who crossed the line and wronged him. They have been texting frequently, but Lev never brought up this matter. He asked Yaku if the libero is single once when two of their friends declared that they are dating each other, then he only answered “Oh” when he got the answer. _No._ He didn’t ask any further.

Yaku needs time and space to think. In a quick gesture, he dresses up. “I need to go out for a while,” he says while he leaves his room on the first floor, soon leaving his apartment. He is quick, Lev won’t be able to follow him.

It is snowing lightly outside. Yaku catches the snow with his right hand. It slowly melts in his palm. The shape of the snow was… ambiguous. It changes. But it’s there, no matter in what form. Like what he felt. He takes a short walk to the lake he has visited with Lev before. He stayed there, under a tree, staring blankly at the reflection of the great amount of water before him.

Yaku reckons that Lev has been rejecting those confessing their love to him, from Kuroo. Kuroo is always up to date on this kind of thing, and he likes to gossip. These people are the ones who spread the false, bad rumor about Lev—that he is arrogant, heartless, and money-driven.

The libero knows more that Lev was far from that. He is warm and loving. Perhaps that’s what keeping Yaku from accepting that he has such feelings towards Lev. Because he doesn’t want to want him, then being rejected and getting away from him after confessing. Lev has played such a big role in his life, greater than what he had been realizing. Losing him would mean a lot. It would be a great loss in his life.

The brown-haired man doesn’t dare to put a name to his relationship with Lev, either. Kuroo would say that they are too close to be called friends. On top of that, both of them are single. To be honest, Yaku doesn’t feel the need to give a name to this relationship. It’s just… the ambiguity of it bugs him. _What are we?_

Maybe he should tell Lev what he felt. But how? Does Lev even understand what he means when Yaku says that he’s in love with him? What is love? Yaku himself doesn’t feel like he quite understands what it means. He just feels that he genuinely cares for Lev, wants to be with him, wants to complete him, wants to protect him, wants to be protected by him, and spend his time with him as long as possible. He wants to be his dearest companion.

 _Companion._ A person with whom one spends a lot of time or whom one travels. One of a pair of things intended to complement or match each other. A star, galaxy, or another celestial object that is close to or associated with another.

_Oh._

Yaku comes up with something.

“Hi, Yaku-san.”

_Surprise._

Lev appears from the other side of the tree, surprising Yaku. He is quick to say, “Sorry that I followed you here. I was worried. You ran really fast I thought something had happened. Are you… mad at me? Was it something that I say… or do?”

He seems to dress up quickly, he doesn’t realize he does his scarf wrong. He doesn’t stutter, it could be that he sets his breath first before he calls Yaku. His face was worried. The libero takes his chance to redo it. Yaku then looks at his eyes, the palms of his hands placed in Lev’s cheeks, red from the cold weather.

“Lev. Do you want to… be the Achilles to my Patroclus?”

Achilles and Patroclus. Yaku has learned about them before. Achilles. The best of the Greeks. Patroclus. The best of Myrmidons, Achilles’ troops. The _poly philtatos_ —most beloved of Achilles. Their fate had come to a tragic end, but they live on together and forever as their ash was kept together in an urn for eternity. Their souls, their stars are always being with another, for the longest time.

It is as if there are a thousand butterflies in Yaku’s lungs. Perhaps this is not a wise decision. To confess, to confront. His heart is beating fast, faster than he had imagined.

“Yes.” The answer is short but sure. _Yes._ He said yes.

“Do you understand the meaning of it as I understand it?” Yaku just has to make sure of it.

Be my dearest companion. It doesn’t necessarily mean the status of boyfriends. It’s more than that. It means that they will live side-by-side for the longest time, genuinely caring for and loving each other. They will support each other in living up to their names, together. It means that they are believing that Fate has scripted the collision of their stars, their souls are meant to find each other as a company.

“Elaborate.” Lev is asking. _Try me._

“Do you mind being… the man I loved the most by far?” Yaku now asks, his eyes sparkling.

“No. I don’t mind having you as a company for a hundred years either, Yaku-san.”

Lev smiles, his eyes warm and gentle. He removes Yaku’s hand from his cheeks, then places his own hands on Yaku’s back, hugging him.

It feels like a dreamy impression. But… it’s real. At least the cold snow landing on top of them after sliding down the leaves is real. It’s dreamy, but it’s real. His love is not unrequited, as it turns out.

“I know that love is not something that is easy to understand. I wouldn’t want anyone near me to suffer, to be hurt, because of my lack of understanding of it. But if you ask for my company… I’d love that. One thing that I know for sure is that I love you the most, Yaku-san. In more ways than one. I cared about you. And if you think that truth is enough, I’ll gladly say yes. I wouldn’t mind spending an eternity with you. You mean so much to me, and I’ve never felt this way toward someone before. I don’t want to lose you. Let’s… keep each other company for the longest time?”

Yaku smiles. Sweet. It is right for him to ask Lev to be his companion. Lev _likes_ what it sounds like. Yaku _loves_ what it sounds like.

Contrary to popular belief, Haiba Lev is a blissful sleeper, a strong protector, and a beloved companion of Yaku Morisuke.


End file.
